Communicaton in a Marriage

There’s a lot of people out there badmouthing marriage. And there’s some good reasons for that. But if you are married you should be trying like hell to stay that way. That doesn’t mean you have to kowtow to your wife, that’s actually the worst way to get her respect. But you do have to learn to work through your problems. If possible, after you’ve made up from a fight, or during the make up, try to figure out what went wrong.

I’m going to tell my laundry story now.  We had two or three young kids at the time and my wife was starting to fold some laundry. I thought to myself. “Hey self, go help” So I went over and started folding some of my t-shirts. My wife then got very angry and started yelling at me. This of course I found very confusing. Once everyone calmed down I asked why she got angry. She said it was because I was only worried about my own stuff and she could tell because I was just folding my own shirts. I replied that was because I definitely knew who’s they were and how to fold them. She also expressed her thought that I wasn’t doing enough to help.  So she learned that I was trying to help as best I could and I learned that I should try to help out more. The important thing was that she had assigned the wrong motivation to my actions, and getting that misconception out of the way kept this from being stored away in the “why I hate him” pile of bad deeds.

Other guys tell me their wives won’t let them revisit issues. So, not sure if this will work for you, but when they say “marriage depends on communication” and “marriage is work”, it’s these kind of events I think they are talking about.

I’ve got a full post on my thoughts on marriage. Yes it’s a scary place, but it can be great once you get the kinks worked out.

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